Friday, April 1, 2011

The Interspecies Final Four Bracket

So!  My brackets did about as well as anyone else aside from an eight-year old bracket savant in Muskogee Oklahoma.

A Bulldog. Husky. Wildcat. And Ram. Who would have thunk?

For the elite eight I had a Jayhawks, wounded Eagle, a Husky, Cougar/Panther, Tiger, manly man, probably an Irish, Demon and Horse chestnut, no, I mean buckeye.

So we end up with two canines  (a good thing), one feline, and one Ram.
How does the interspecies final four play out?

Well here goes.

I think the Bulldog—Ram contest could really interesting. The Bulldog has to jump high, probably too high, and grab hold of the Ram’s neck and then wrestle it down. Now I have a lot of respect for bulldogs especially with their tenacious under bite, but this strikes me as a little too big a leap. On the other hand I figured out how the Rams got there. I mean, Rams, come on, I don’t even know what species they belong to!

So here is my theory. The Rams are not really Rams; they are demonic. Yep, that’s right. Think about it. Cloven hooves check. Curved horns check. Braying sounds check. So the Rams are not really Rams, they are demons and snuck in under sheep’s clothing as it were.

So the Ram/demons will win hands own in this one.

Now the Husky—Wildcat fight. Here is the mother of all interspecies fights, the archetype of them all cats versus dogs. The world is pretty deeply divided into Cat people and do people, and this battle defines it. I know because I married a cat person and live with cat children; it is very hard sometimes. The Huskies are noble, durable, courageous, loyal, strong, capable, smart and allies of humanity from its early days. They should win by virtue of intelligence, endurance, and nobility.

The Wildcats on the other hand are felines. They cannot be trusted, they cheat, they lie, they wait for people to die and then eat them. These wildcats have very long claws and no respect for rules that is how they win.

It is a sad commentary upon life as Machiavelli would tell you that often the noble good ones lose to the ignoble bloodthirsty cheaters. I fear this is what will happen here with those long claws, probably tipped in poison, I mean these are the Wildcats after all. So the Wildcats to the sorrow of anyone who cares about honor is sports will win.

Now the finals: Rams versus Wildcats. Well it should be no contest here. The Cheating, ignoble, poisoned clawed wildcats should win hands down. But, if I am right and the Rams really are demonic, then look for the overconfident Wildcats to get kicked where it counts and then gored.

So here it is: the Demons in sheep’s clothing, the Rams win.

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