Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Bracketology by Species

I am not good at brackets, actually by NCAA rules, I cannot bet on brackets, which is a good thing. But the more I think about brackets, I have come to the conclusion that we need to rethink all the algorithms and other methods to weight and figure these things out. Actually I am not even sure I like the existing brackets.I am going to make up my own brackets around school identities and their mascots.

Looking at this in a different way, we should not worry about colleges or teams.  Instead I am going to focus upon the genus and species of mascot or nickname types since they reflect a deep reality about each of the schools. 

So rather than go through the absurd gyrations of algorithmic tea leaf reading for my brackets, I am going to get rid of brackets entirely. I will analyze the teams by genus/species type and then predict what the elite eight will look like.

 Now most brackets actually follow brackets when they match teams assigned in brackets. I propose that we have battles among the various species such as  felines—there are four wildcats after all—or canines, three bulldogs and two huskies!  Then we figure out which one will win in each category. Oh, I forget the plant/nut category; we only have three, the orange, sycamore and buckeyes.

I propose these categories for this year: avian; feline; canine; ursine; guys; plant/nuts and demonic. We should have a representative of each species or type.

Avian: We have two eagles, a roadrunner, peacock, blackbird, cardinal, owl and Jayhawk. The eagles are really pretty chicken and will fight and wound each other. The cardinals really will hide, although they are red. They will let the eagles kill each other off, then they will flitter out. Unfortunately, as those of us from the Midwest know, a Jayhawk will do in a cardinal any time, same with roadrunner and peacocks. The owls only really do the night thing, so in a day game; they will get massacred. So among the avian, we will end up with the Jayhawks. We might find a wounded eagle in the elite eight but definitely a Jayhawk.

Feline: I always considered it a bit unfair when birds face cats or dogs, I mean, how can any earth bound creatures fight against birds? Unless the birds  get too close, such as a golden eagle getting too close to a wild cat. So the felines are interesting. The four wildcats will tear each other apart no matter when they meet. So none of them will make it out or whoever does may  be too wounded. I am not sure what to do with the 2 panther/cougars. They are much cooler and tougher than wildcats or bearcats. It's probable a cougar/panther will make it. The  Tigers will pounce and rip them up. That leaves the remaining lions that look a lot better than they are. So among the felines, no wildcats will make it, the lions are useless and we should end up with a Tiger and a panther/cougar in the elite eight.

Canines:  2 huskies, 3 bulldogs and 2 terriers. Really no contest here. The bulldogs are cool and tenacious, but don't have the speed, endurance or teeth of the Huskies. The terriers are meant for lesser prey. A husky definitely makes the elite eight.

Ursine & Plant/Nut: The ursine category really is puzzling. I mean we have bears, bruins and grizzlies. I think the grizzlies should dominate, but the bruins really are smart and big and those claws, man. Well I think that somehow or another a bear, no, I am betting bruin because it sounds better, might make it to the elite eight. Then, again, I actually think the plant/nuts have a better chance. I mean the ursines can choke on the nuts or tree can fall on the bears. If the bears don't choke on the nut, they can excrete it and the nut grows into a tree, that fall son the bear. So   I think the ursines probably will not make it, but a plant will, probably a buckeye.

So we have a no ursines, a cougar/panther, maybe a wounded wildcat, a tiger, a Jayhawk and maybe a wounded eagle and a nut/plant.

Guys:   The guy category is spread all over the place, mainly we are talking about manly men. Think Volunteers, Commodores, Rebels, Mountaineers, Patriots, Musketeers, Irish, Gauchos, well you get the picture. In theory they should do well, being smart and all, but they generally have pretty limited weapons and coonskin caps, so I am not sure who will kill whom in this free for all. I do believe one will make it, on the basis of endurance and muskets, the mountaineers and on the basis of drinking ability the Irish or Volunteers. Speed, the running rebels or Gauchos. This being college sport, I go with drinking ability and think the Irish will make it, but it could easily be Mountaineers given the length of tourney and the need for endurance and going to strange new places to play.

I filled up the elite eight with species with one exception. I have left out other categories that could get us to badgers and wolverines and tar heels, but I will try that next year.

Demonic:  The last category has a significant advantage with its ability to evoke dark powers. I did not do a God's bracket this year, so the demonic are pretty sure to get one representative. Now some old favorites like Demon Deacons and Horned Toads are not around; that leaves only the Blue Devils. So for sheer having sold your soul cussedness, the Blue Devils will probably be there also.

So there you have it. The first species based bracketology analysis:
2 Felines--1 canine--1 plant/nut--1 guys--2 avians--1 demon.

I will do an inter-species analysis for the final four.

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